I’ve been looking for someone. And I’ve been looking for a few years now. I’ve tried Google. I’ve tried Facebook. I’ve tried many other sites, but she seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth.
I don’t necessarily want to be back in contact though. I just want to know that she’s ok. That she’s still alive and still out there somewhere. Living. And happy / content.
We broke up 5 years ago now. At first, everything was fine and we remained friends. But I needed time apart, with no contact, because I still loved her. And it was killing me still seeing her. And seeing her with someone else. I tried to be reasonable, but I just got to a point where I couldn’t any more. And then she moved away and I never saw her again.
And I never got that ‘closure’. I never got to say the things I wanted to say. I never got to ask the questions I wanted to ask. I never got to say ‘I’m sorry’.
Every few days, I wonder where she is. What she’s doing. I found her on Friends Reunited a while back. I sent a message, but then, mysteriously, her profile disappeared. Did I upset her that much? Does she hate me that much that she’d delete her profile after receiving a message from me?
I have found her friends on Facebook, but it might seem a bit creepy me asking them how she is. They were never my friends.
But it keeps getting to me. I want to know. I don’t know what this knowledge will do for me if I *do* find out how she is and what she’s doing. Will that satisfy this curiosity? Or is there something else I want to know? I don’t even know why I want to know so much.
I suppose I shall go on wondering for a while longer…