I’m not really sure what to write today to be honest. It’s a bit of a mixed bag of emotions.
I started my new job today, but today would also have been Anthony’s 18th birthday.
It’s funny. I don’t feel ‘down’ or ‘mournful’, but I still don’t want to let go. It still hurts if I start talking about him, and I still cry when I think of his death, and that he will never be here again.
But I’m sitting here with my bottle of lager, thinking. Wondering what to write. And drinking a silent toast to my little brother. On his 18th birthday.
I was hoping to do something ‘significant’ to mark the occasion. Something lasting. Something symbolic. And it somehow seems a kind of failure that I’ve not been able to do that.
But then, as someone said to me, I started a new job today. A new beginning. A new direction. And maybe that’s significant enough?