Mixed bag

I’m not really sure what to write today to be honest. It’s a bit of a mixed bag of emotions.
I started my new job today, but today would also have been Anthony’s 18th birthday.

It’s funny. I don’t feel ‘down’ or ‘mournful’, but I still don’t want to let go. It still hurts if I start talking about him, and I still cry when I think of his death, and that he will never be here again.

But I’m sitting here with my bottle of lager, thinking. Wondering what to write. And drinking a silent toast to my little brother. On his 18th birthday.

I was hoping to do something ‘significant’ to mark the occasion. Something lasting. Something symbolic. And it somehow seems a kind of failure that I’ve not been able to do that.

But then, as someone said to me, I started a new job today. A new beginning. A new direction. And maybe that’s significant enough?

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3 Responses to Mixed bag

  1. Vanessa says:

    Remember what I told you about my friend, who writes small notes to someone gone, then burns them?

  2. This will sound like a real cliche but I think it is true nonetheless, I think most people just want to be loved, remembered and think that they have made a bit of a difference – and that’s exactly what you are doing for Anthony. I think that is quite a tribute to him.

  3. Afrochick says:

    Your good friends have got some wise words there, lemonybaby, and I know when you’re ready you’ll hear them. Nothing more to be said, just wanted you to know- thinking of you

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