If I look at the big picture, my life is going really well. I’m making progress and I’m managing well.
However, if I’m honest, I feel completely lonely and isolated. I’m feeling the empty. I know why I feel this way. I’ve looked at my triggers and can easily identify one and logically, I know this will pass. It doesn’t stop me having the feelings though. And that REALLY sucks.
It’s my birthday in a couple of weeks, and I’m dreading it. The day itself will be fine as I’ll have The Boy with me so we can make cake and go on the swings together or something. But the weekend before my birthday I have Saturday evening and all of Sunday free. I want to do something. See friends and have a meal or drinks. But I feel like I don’t really have anyone locally to ask. I have started to try and make friends, but ideally I’d love to be with people I’m comfortable with and who know me. And they’re all hundreds of miles away!
It’s up to me to organise something if I want to do something, but I feel all defeatist about it. It’s all in my head and it doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. But I know myself and I know that if I want to avoid a weekend of crying on the sofa, I need to get something organised.
I just miss physical company. Having a coffee or a drink and a chat. But it takes a long time to grow good friends…