I got angry again today. And I dealt with it again by over eating. I am starting a new diet again tomorrow (Monday) and so I decided to spend today eating crap. And I want to document how I’m feeling so that I know in the future that I don’t want to go back to this.
I feel tired, depressed, heavy, full, a bit sick and unhappy. My skin is grey and looks old, I have lots of spots, I have eczma on my arms and my teeth hurt. This is NOT how I want to feel. This is NOT what I worked my ass off dieting for.
I’m going to start increasing my cycling distance each day. Cycling the long way to work. This will add another 4 miles to my commute. 7 miles there, 3.5 miles back. It’s a start. And I’m looking forward to finding out about Kickboxing on Tuesday.
I am also thinking about asking the GP about some further therapy. Just to deal with my issues around anger and frustration. I need some kind of strategy to deal with it. I worry that I will continue to have issues with food until I do deal with it. I don’t want to end up reliant on exercise as therapy. There is a place for exercise – as a healthy part of a balanced life. I do not want to become one of those people who is overly anxious and worried if they do not get their exercise one day.
Now I’m just making no sense I think.
I just wanted to put this down somewhere. So I can look at it when I’m tempted to over eat again. I do not WANT to do this to myself. I want better from my life. But I have to go out and do something about it. Before I start falling back into old patterns of behaviour..
Or maybe I should just keep myself busy on a weekend rather than sitting on the sofa and watching ‘House’ dvds…