Happy New Year everyone.
At the moment, I don’t have any resolutions. I’m undecided as to whether to have any resolutions at all. Or to do them monthly.
I’m currently sitting at work, in between bouts of Tetris and Solitaire, periodically breaking the wheels on my chair because I’m too fat, and decided that I should really blog.
I kinda had ‘writers block’. And I was so busy before Christmas, I just didn’t fancy waiting half an hour for the computer to boot up to blog. If only there were an easier way. Blogging from my phone is just so much hassle with such a tiny keyboard. But maybe I should try to blog a little every day. Even if it’s just a few words from my phone. I often do stuff and think ‘I should blog that’. Then forget. And then it’s too far gone to blog.
Like christmas. It seems like it was too far in the past to blog it now. (But maybe I’ll do it anyway. Get it out there..)
K and I went up north on the 20th December for a few days. We stayed with my mum. Walked the dogs, went to see a friend of mine, got excited at Boyes and slept on a blow-up mattress in the dining room. (which was, actually, remarkably comfortable once you got on the damned thing. Getting up, however, was very difficult..) One evening we cooked Fajitas for everyone (not knowing that mum’s husband was allergic to anything green and that sister’s boyfriend was very fussy and not good with spices). People ate though. (and mum’s husband asserted his manhood by complaining about the lack of meat in a vegetarian fajita mix). We then all went into the living room and had a games night. That was really good fun. That’s the sort of thing I miss. Getting together and doing fun stuff. We played Drop the Bomb, Scattergories and Trivial Pursuits. There was much laughter, lots of photographs, and some very memorable funny faces. (I think little brother won that one! Photos on Facebook for those who know me)
I left with a heavy heart. Knowing that I had chosen to spend christmas away from home for the first time. (not including China, where I couldn’t afford to come home so had no choice really..)
We got to K’s sister’s house and had cuddles with the baby while waiting for K’s dad to leave so we could watch Christmas movies with a pizza. Full of pizza, we headed to bed. (The christmas films we chose were the Santa Clause 1 and 2.). Christmas day we got up and exchanged presents. THen we went over to K’s parents for Christmas day.
I spent most of the time wondering what was going on at my mum’s house and looking at my watch, thinking things like ‘they’ll be going to the pub now.’ ‘They’ll be exchanging presents now.’ ‘They’ll be eating dinner now.’ etc etc etc. K’s family very kindly offered to go to the pub with me on Christmas day, but I was feeling a little under the weather to be honest, so decided against it. And besides, dinner was due to be served at a very early 1pm! (whoever heard of xmas dinner at 1pm????) The traditions between the different households are very different.
AT around 6pm I retired to our room feeling sorry for myself. I was getting a cold, I was freezing and I really missed my mum’s christmas dinner.
We came home on boxing day, and I have been in the flat in my pyjamas ever since. (until today). I have been feeling rather sorry for myself and crying lots. I think going ‘oop north’ really affects me still. It’s home. That’s where my family is. I have friends up there. I know my way around. The roads are SO much better. Housing is cheaper.
I often wonder about moving back up. But then, I left partly because there were too many bad memories for me up there. I needed to get out. I felt suffocated. I don’t know if I’d still feel that now. I don’t go up there often enough to find out. Maybe I’d hate it. But then I’d get to know my nephew. And I’d see the dogs more often. And I could rent a 3 bedroomed, detatched house with garden and drive and garage for the money I’m paying for a basement flat with a yard down here.
I got back to the South coast and I just cried. I stepped in dog poo emptying the car. (it’s all over the pavements) Someone had kicked in my wing mirror on my car and broken it. There was rubbish all over our steps down to the flat and everything just looked miserable.
I still haven’t decided what I want to do. Do I want a new job? Do I want to move? Do I want to take up a hobby? (photograpy sounds fun – I took around 800 photos over Christmas). Do I just need to increase my medication?
I don’t know. I’m trying to figure all of that out right now, and I’m really not sure what I want. So I’m saving my resolutions until I have a clearer idea of where I want to head with my life.
I’ll keep you posted..