Well, I was off all of last week as I was really nauseous and dizzy. I went to the Doctor on Monday as thing still hadn’t got any better. She said that it wasn’t my tablets or withdrawal, but that it was anxiety and gave me some pills for the nausea.
So, I went back to work on Tuesday. I managed nearly a whole day, albeit mainly sitting at my desk trying not to be sick. Then Wednesday I just could not get out of bed – I was totally wiped out. Back in to work on Thursday, and I just couldn’t stop crying. I kept having to leave the office via the back door and sitting in the sick room or outside in a secret hidey hole until I could stop crying (well, leaking tears) and go back in again.
I asked my boss if I could go back on reduced hours for a couple of weeks to ease me back in, but he said that I’d then have to lose wages to compensate. He said to just call the Dr and get myself signed off sick. So I did. I called and left a message with a (surprisingly) helpful medical receptionist and the doctor called me back. She said she’d give me a sick note backdated to Monday when I saw her.
I went to pick up the sick note and the reason for my absence? Depression? Withdrawal? Nausea and sickness? Anxiety? No.
Stress and mood swings.
Tell you what, why don’t you draw some pretty pink flowers on it for me too! It was just like a smack in the face. THat tells me she doesn’t actually believe me and is just writing the sick note to get rid of me. As well as telling me all my nausea and sickness is in my head. She’s a good doctor usually, but it seems maybe she’s not so hot on mental health.
Anyway. I left work early yesterday and went for a coffee with a friend. We had chats and then K and I went for a walk on the beach. This morning I’ve been keeping myself busy, but now it’s telling. I’ve flaked out on the sofa with the laptop and don’t want to move.
I’m coping, but I’m quite fragile. I’ll be in an ‘ok’ mood, but then something really minor will happen (like spilling water on the floor), and I’m in a bad mood and crying again. Maybe I just need to get used to all these feelings again. The anti-depressants dulled a lot of this, and I need to learn to cope again. As the therapy group won’t be starting yet, I might look into paying privately for some psychotherapy in the meantime to keep me going.
So I’m ok. I’m coping, but still nowhere near ‘fine’. But thank you to all of those who have either commented or contacted me ‘off-blog’. I do appreciate the support, and it does help. Thank you.