The sea underneath Hastings pier

It’s 11.30 in the morning and I’m sitting at home on the computer. I’m “working from home” today, except I seem to have forgotten to pick up the work I needed, so I don’t have much to do. I was working late last night and by the time I finished, the security guy was really wanting to get the building closed and go to the pub, so I didn’t have time to sort through bits of paper. I should have organized myself better. But I’m SO not with it at the moment it’s unreal. I can hear what people are saying on the tv, but it just doesn’t compute. I don’t understand and have to keep re-reading stuff and rewinding the tv programs. Yesterday, I had a meeting with a few agents. THey were all talking about stuff and looking to me for advice, but I couldn’t understand what they were talking about and couldn’t work out what I should be saying. I made stuff up and repeated myself. (as any incompetent manager will know – that’s what you do when you don’t know what you’re talking about). Luckily there was an experienced agent there who could answer some of the newbie questions. I felt like an utter fraud. Totally unhelpful and totally rubbish. But I don’t really think it’s a good idea to suddenly tell them all that I’m not well at the moment. It just makes the service look flaky. There’s nobody else to support them really. My manager could do it, but never after 5pm and never on a weekend. Which is a bit useless considering 95% of their work is done on evenings and weekends.

Anyway.. I’m also really really hungry, but really really sick. I have taken my last tablet on Wednesday night. So I won’t be taking any more. I expect to be holed up in bed this weekend incapable of moving. I am NOT looking forward to it at all. I have a meeting with an agent on Monday, so I hope I’ll be well enough to attend. I’ve already had to rearrange with him twice due to not being well – I can’t do it again..

I have an appointment today with a psychotherapist. He is setting up a therapy group and I’m hoping to be in it. This will be my second ‘interview’ to make sure I fit with the group. The last time I went I was medicated and so I will probably seem a lot different this time. I’m hoping that I still get in. It’s due to start next month. Fingers crossed..

Well, it’s the weekend in a few hours, so I intend to go out and buy a few beers when I come back from the psychotherapist. I’ll keep them in the fridge until this evening after the supermarket shop. I don’t generally drink, but recently I’ve had a real urge for a nice cold lager. Mmmmmmmmm.. Bring it on!

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