Dear diary… I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just a little run-down. I don’t function well when it’s cold. And the flat has started to get really cold. When I get cold and tired, I cry. I *do* have central heating, but it takes a couple of hours to warm the place up, so I end up crying quite often recently. I’ve also not been feeling 100%. IBS rears its ugly head when I get those ‘down’ times. I worry about taking time off, not being proactive and fantastic at my job, not doing housework and generally being a lazy bum. I worry that I’ll be sacked, that people will see me as a joke, that K will get upset at me and generally annoyed at me being a lazy bum.
And I don’t think rationally. A few days ago, I was crying because I was wondering why I had no friends. In reality, I know that I do have friends. I’d either ignored emails and texts or just not contacted them recently. I also get very paranoid. I think that people at work are laughing at me. Making fun of me.
I feel fatter than usual. I am coping with this by eating more chocolate. (go figure) This is because I am still a non-smoker. Yes, a very valuable achievement (over 4 months now!), but I seem to be suffering from Asthma more now that I don’t smoke. I find myself at moments catching my breath, being short of breath and generally feeling wierd. (yes, I have an asthma review to be booked in the near future).
I have patches of dry skin over my arms, hands and face. Little circular patches of dry. Like a drop of ‘drying chemical’ has been dropped on my skin and left a mark. I blame the central heating. And the car heating.
Poor K has had so much to put up with recently. But, bless her, she’s stuck with me and even made me laugh! For anyone who knows me, you KNOW how much of an achievement that is when I’m on a downer. (she let me draw all over her face with make up and sparkles and then she let me take photos).
My distance perception seems to have just disappeared too. I can’t park. I keep bashing the tyres against the kerb. I know. Not good for the tyres.
So basically, I’m a bit down at the moment. Not as down as I have been for the past couple of weeks. I’m just kinda.. flat. Not myself. And I have a review at work today. In about 5 minutes. This is a 6-month review thing, part of which goes to decide whether I get a payrise next year. Possibly not a good time to convince a manager I’m brill..
But I am going to 2 halloween things tonight. Am popping in to see some guys where Kate works, then am going to a live music / disco event that some friends are putting on. So it might be a good night And I’ve been especially growing my facial hair for Halloween. And bless – nobody has said anything. But they are SO noticeable. They seem to get blacker the longer they get. So I have a kind of ‘mini goatee’ without the middle bit of the goatee. And some whiskers. A good halloween witch look I think. (yeah yeah, I just haven’t been feeling well enough to go through the pain of removing the hairs. Why should I get rid of them just for other people??)
Right. Diary. I’m gonna stop moaning now. I’m sure I’ll look back at this in a couple of weeks and cringe. But no matter.