Hello again blogworld. I know I haven’t blogged for over a week now. But I have been busy. Lots of things to do at work meaning that I don’t get time to blog, then not wanting to switch the computer on when I get home.
But at the moment I’m a bit deflated really. I put 2lb on last week – even though I stuck to the diet and didn’t cheat at all!! That really upset me – and I had a good cry on Sunday (weigh day), then had a pizza. And then chinese take away last night. Today, however, I’m back on the diet. Though my attempt to give up smoking on Sunday has failed already I lasted until about 1pm yesterday, then wandered down the shops to buy some more tobacco. And now I smell of cigarettes again.
I think I’m just feeling all down on myself. Putting 2lb on, then not being able to give up smoking yet. Poor K has had a lot to put up with from me over the last few days. I’ve been moody and emotional and just generally a pain in the arse to live with. But she seems to be made of strong stuff as she’s still here!
I’m afraid of messing things up. I always tend to. Mess things up, that is. In relationships. And friendships. I’ve always tended to hide away when I’m a bit down, and people take that as a rejection, which has lost me friends in the past. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk – because if I do, I won’t be able to stop crying. And then I feel guilty for not being in contact with these people and am scared of contacting them again as I think they’re going to be angry with me. So things tend to fall apart.
I’m trying.. I really am. And I really don’t know why I’m so down at the moment. I’m happy. I have a job, a nice place to live, a lovely lovely girlfriend, I have friends and I have things to do on an evening.
Maybe I’m just tired. Or something..
Suggestions on a postcard please!