Hello again blogworld. I know I haven’t blogged for over a week now. But I have been busy. Lots of things to do at work meaning that I don’t get time to blog, then not wanting to switch the computer on when I get home.

But at the moment I’m a bit deflated really. I put 2lb on last week – even though I stuck to the diet and didn’t cheat at all!! That really upset me – and I had a good cry on Sunday (weigh day), then had a pizza. And then chinese take away last night. Today, however, I’m back on the diet. Though my attempt to give up smoking on Sunday has failed already :( I lasted until about 1pm yesterday, then wandered down the shops to buy some more tobacco. And now I smell of cigarettes again.

I think I’m just feeling all down on myself. Putting 2lb on, then not being able to give up smoking yet. Poor K has had a lot to put up with from me over the last few days. I’ve been moody and emotional and just generally a pain in the arse to live with. But she seems to be made of strong stuff as she’s still here!

I’m afraid of messing things up. I always tend to. Mess things up, that is. In relationships. And friendships. I’ve always tended to hide away when I’m a bit down, and people take that as a rejection, which has lost me friends in the past. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk – because if I do, I won’t be able to stop crying. And then I feel guilty for not being in contact with these people and am scared of contacting them again as I think they’re going to be angry with me. So things tend to fall apart.

I’m trying.. I really am. And I really don’t know why I’m so down at the moment. I’m happy. I have a job, a nice place to live, a lovely lovely girlfriend, I have friends and I have things to do on an evening.

Maybe I’m just tired. Or something..

Suggestions on a postcard please!

This entry was posted in Blue, Friends, Mental health, random, wondering. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Deflated

  1. Spudgy says:

    The weighing thing isnt the end of the world – I’ve been on enough diets to know you don’t lose weight every week. It could be water retention. I threw out the scales ages ago and now just go by how I’m feeling.

    Your a good friend and have good friends around you. Whether you like it or not we’re not going anywhere. Besides you’ve been there for me enough…..I’m still only a phone call away.(’til I move closer and can then stalk you properly ;-)

  2. I think we just go through good and bad phases in life. You’ve had so many good things going on of late, maybe you just need a bit of time to pause for breath?

    People aren’t going to go away just because you’re going through a bit of a down time – and anyone who does isn’t much of a friend anyway.

    Hope things pick up for you soon.

  3. eroica says:

    just dropped by to see what you’re up to.. sorry you’re having a shitter of a time, i’m sending hugs for what they’re worth!

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