I’m not really quite sure what to write today. I’m in a bit of a ‘thinky’ mood at the moment. I’ve been going through and reading some of my old blog posts, and noticing the difference in writing styles between then and now. To be honest, I do like the way I used to write, and I seem to have lost some of that essence now. I think, realistically, it’s because I’m happier now.
My blog used to be a way of expressing myself. Getting out my feelings and my thoughts. A place I could put things ‘out there’, where people didn’t know me, didn’t expect anything of me and didn’t have any preconceived ideas of who I was. THere are a few posts I’m quite proud of really (and one day, when I have all my old posts back up, I’ll put a link to my ‘favourite posts’ somewhere). I feel like this blog is lacking something at the moment. I don’t know what it is, but it is just ‘not there’.
Maybe it’s because I have people to talk to now. People to call when I’m feeling down. I never felt that I had that before. (and yes – maybe they were there, but in myself, I didn’t feel I could call anyone). I’m a different person to who I was when I started this blog. Or then again – I’m the same person, but without everything being clouded by a huge depression.
Since I started this blog, I have graduated from University, moved house 6 times, been through the loss of my little brother, started a masters and not finished it, lived through a rodent infestation and living with a drug addict, got into lots of debt, moved to the other end of the country, started to make friends at the other end of the country, been through 2 relationship breakups, had 8 different jobs, been through 5 cars (I’m onto my 6th), got a new girlfriend (who has now moved in!) and made many good friends through this blog.
Don’t worry – I’m not going anywhere. I still want to blog. I’m just re-evaluating what I’m actually doing here. I suppose I have less time to blog at the moment too. Work is really really busy, and will be for the foreseeable future, and I have company at home now. I’m not sitting on my own wondering what to do with my time. I do things like ‘talking’ and ‘laughing’ and ‘cuddling’ and ‘eating dinner at the table’.
I don’t actually know what I’m trying to say here to be honest. It’s just thoughts. Random but organized. Briefly interrupted by K shouting for help as she’d been spinning on the computer chair for too long and couldn’t stop without feeling sick, so was stuck. (Yep, Lemon to the rescue – I’m SUCH a SUPERHERO in real life…)
*wanders off pondering the meaning of ‘blog’*