I remember. Standing outside the train station, so nervous I felt sick. Listening for the announcement that your train had arrived. I walked to the top of the stairs, worrying what you would think of what you saw. And then you smiled at me. And everything was ok.
I remember. Spending all day sitting on the grass in a city neither of us knew-because we had nowhere else to go. Talking and sharing secrets. Dying inside because I was going to have to leave you again.
I remember. Crying all the way home. Feeling the pain increase as the distance between us grew. A tearful voice message over the noise of the diesel engine waiting to leave the dark, cold station.
I remember. Feeling so happy and so lucky, to have you by my side. That you wanted to kiss me, to spend time with me. I never quite believed I was good enough. So I made the most of every minute you gave me. Every touch. Every hug. Every word you ever said. You were, and still are the only person I trust. The only person I can be myself with.
Tonight you said “I know you”, and every time you say that, I die a little inside.
Because I so wish I still knew you too.
I know I have to let go. I don’t think you will ever know just how much I miss you.