Thoughts…

So, I didn’t go into hospital. I’m still awaiting an appointment (it’s on Tuesday) with someone to give me an assessment. This is after chasing people for two days to even get acknowledged. *sigh* Maybe I should have dangled myself off a bridge or something… But then I’d be put down as an “attention seeker”. Well, actually, if that didn’t have such bad connotations, then it would be true.
I am seeking attention. I am seeking help, therefore, I need someone’s attention first! I’m determined to beat this somehow. Hopefully, now they have taken me seriously, I’ll get the help that I need. Fingers crossed..
Soo, away from all that, I’ve not really done anything this weekend. I’ve not left the house (apart from to go get chocolate and comfort food from the shop next door). I’ve mainly slept all weekend. Chatted on the internet. Avoided real contact with real people.
Burnley_boy came over yesterday. Was good to see him. We drank tea, chatted and smoked for a couple of hours. He’s such a lovely guy..
I pulled my dressing-gown on after my shower this evening, and it smells of ‘home’. I don’t really know where ‘home’ is at the moment, but for some reason, the smell was nice. It felt homely. My dressing-gown is nice and warm and fluffy. Kinda cuddly and comforting. It has a hood, too, and goes all the way down to my ankles, so I can hide in it.. I really should wash it, as it has tea stains down the front, but I don’t want that smell to go… Isn’t that wierd? I don’t know what the smell is (some sort of mixture of perfume and washing powder I think), but it’s just very comforting.. When there’s nobody around to cuddle, it’s nice.
I miss cuddles. The other night, I could have just done with someone to cuddle. I’m at that stage where I want to fall asleep in a cuddle, then wake up to someone to cuddle.. Nothing else. Just cuddles. Odd… But, as I’m giving up on women for a while, I don’t think those cuddles are gonna be forthcoming any time soon.
It could be funny, scaring women, if it wasn’t so bloody annoying. But they play mind games. It’s not nice. I don’t have the time or the patience for mind games. Why bother saying you’re going to call, when you have no intention of doing so? I must remind myself frequently;
1) Do NOT give out your telephone number to random chors you meet on the internet. 5 minutes of ‘chat’ is not enough to determine whether they are an axe murderer.
2) Do NOT leave razor blades lying around on the floor. The next day you will wonder what that shiny thing on the floor is, and promptly cut off the tip of your finger.
3) Do NOT get pissed in the presence of any woman you were hoping to strike up ‘something’ with. It doesn’t work.
4) Be patient with those who think Depression is the same as ‘having a bad week’. Explain. Get angry when they then tell you it’s your own fault. (or that “drugs can cure it” – if only!!)
5) Toast is NOT a nutritious meal. No matter how many slices you eat.
6) Always make sure that the crud around your piercings has been cleaned off BEFORE you go to the pub.
7) Answering the door in a blue fluffy dressing gown with scary stains down the front, a bright red mouth guard, cruddy piercings and manic hair is a good way to scare people.
8) Not getting out of bed until early evening means that you get hungry in the middle of the night. Attempt, wherever possible, to get up before 3pm.
9) Exercise self-control when in the presence of certain people. You will not be rewarded for your honesty.
10) Nasty people, those who are prepared to lie and use others, get further in life. Resign yourself to the fact that you will never go far because you’re too cowardly to be nasty.
And on that cryptic note (as I’m too scared to actually write down what I’m talking about!) I will leave you. :-p

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.